So, I was verifying my links, and I took a second look at Molly Faulkner-Bond’s byline, which led me to this totally amazing new feminist resource, Sirens Magazine. Featured articles include “Makeup Is a Feminist Act,” “A Soldier’s Style,” (“I wanted to wear my favorite Club Monaco pencil skirt instead of the high-waisted, polyblend pants that made my hips expand and my butt flatten… I had to admit, when I put on that unflattering uniform and forfeited my feminine fashion, I became more competent as a Naval officer”), “10 Mistakes White People Make When Talking About Race” (you’re not supposed to say “colored,” apparently) and “Why Interracial Dating Is Still Hard.” (Could it be… racism?) My God, you guys, I am so happy I found this site! It totally embodies this fun, sexy feminism that is non-judgmental and non-threatening and also mostly focused on buying stuff and finding yourself a man! You know: my kind of feminism. Feminism of the fourth wave.
Say, here is some totally feminist dating advice for you:
You don’t want the guy to feel like he’s going home with an easy girl. Even though he’s a man, and men are the new women—or perhaps because of that—we have to help him feel like a conqueror.
See, now, this is why all of my dates feature a mandatory knife fight. It provides the illusion of resistance! Don’t worry, ladies – I always let him win. By the by, those stitches of mine are healing nicely.
Did you know that the girls of Sirens Magazine also feel that Sex & the City is, like, totally just like their lives?
I remember reveling in my absolute hatred for Carrie one whole “Sex and the City” season when she toyed with Aidan (the engagement jitters part, not the cheating-with-Big part). Why? Because I’d done something similar myself. I wasn’t proud of it in the least, but I could watch and see reflected exactly where I’d gone wrong, why it was wrong, and why it was also just my own dumb (ultimately forgivable) humanity getting in the way. I could analyze myself through her missteps in a way that was perhaps a little too painful to take head-on in my own life. I could, in a word, relate.
Oh, my God, you guys, me too! Like, I remember when Carrie moved into this really shitty apartment in a low-profile borough and it was terrible but, it was, like, all she could afford even though she had two jobs which is totally typical in this day and age, and then she was sick one day and her pay was docked, and shortly thereafter she found out she had bedbugs and had to bring in an exterminator, and then she was like, ”oh! no! I don’t think I will be able to eat next week! What does this mean for my sexy circle of lady friends and all the sexy new clubs we just have to sexily attend in our sexy new shoes so that we can sexily drink some sexy cocktails? I guess the real ‘bed bugs’ are our fears! Of intimacy!”
Oh, wait, that never happened.
Anyway, whenever you’re bummed out by the wage gap or the rates of violence toward women or the media or just your damn bedbugs, remember:
Choosing cupcakes over rice cakes is empowering.
Yayyyy!!!! Cupcakes!!!!!
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Tags: armed service makes your ass look fat, cupcakes yayyyyyyy, feminist concealer tactics, fourth wave feminism, i call my crotch "waterloo", KNIFE FIGHTS, molly faulkner-bond, resituating power in your credit card, sex & the city, sirens magazine, things that are soooo like our lives, two men enter one man... well etc.
Where ever did you go?