Allies! It Turns Out They Exist?

14Jul08

I find myself talking and thinking a lot lately about the role of dudes, and specifically leftist dudes, in feminism.

Feminism’s second wave happened, in large part, because women were dismissed and marginalized in radical circles. At a certain point, it became clear to women that a) folks were talking so very much about liberation and the plight of the oppressed and class and etc., but b) women were still expected to be fuckmates and/or housekeepers, and c) dudes were pretty resistant to giving up these privileges, because apparently all forms of oppression mattered except for those which were most intimate and close to home, so, d) if we were going to fix the problem, we would have to do it our own damn selves. There is a bitterness and a skepticism about dudes’ potential to be allies, I’m saying, that is rooted in history, and cannot be dismissed with oh, what a bunch of man-haters.

True story: in my first year of college at Antioch, I had a conversation with a gentleman who was quite well-respected in the college’s socialist circles. He had such lovely points to make about Trotsky! Anyway, I had a reputation for being That Girl Who Talked About Lady Problems. So, this kind, helpful soul took me aside, into a deserted dorm room, and explained that I was terribly misguided. Didn’t I see, he said, that sexism was insignificant when compared to larger issues of class? Feminism was so terribly outdated and selfish! So invested in the problems of women, which did not, in the long run, matter at all! If only I would listen to him – and perhaps attend one of his meetings? Surely I would see where I’d gotten it wrong.

“You have to decide what you care about more,” he said, “women or people.”

Anyway, that dude later got turned in to the campus cops because he liked to beat up his girlfriend. Dramatic example, I know! Still: these problems exist, and they are rooted in history, and they will not end until men take responsibility for ending them.

I want to believe that dudes can take responsibility for themselves, and can examine their own privilege and the ways in which it affects their worldview, and that, once they’ve committed themselves to unlearning sexism, they can take a critical role in challenging it.

Then I read about the male anti-rape activist who videotapes naked unconscious girls, or the domestic violence activist who was murdered by her boyfriend, or Obama’s abortion misstep (and I like Obama), and I feel a little less confident in that belief.

Nevertheless, this is the week that I have decided to be life-affirming. So, instead of going into this, I’m focusing on Kevin Powell. It would be easy to laugh at Kevin Powell (just Google him) or to mistrust him (“oh, sure, he ‘used’ to abuse women”) , but I’m too busy crying a little bit and feeling validated, because he’s a feminist man with a past who takes absolute responsibility for the things that he’s done wrong, and also happens to be 100% correct:

We men need to understand that we cannot just use our maleness to switch the dialogue away from the very real concerns of women to what men are suffering, or what we perceive men to be suffering… So many of us American males have such a distorted definition of manhood that we don’t even have the basic respect to listen to women’s voices when they talk about violence and abuse, without becoming uncomfortable, without becoming defensive, without feeling the need to bring the conversation, the dialogue, to us and our needs and our concerns, as if the needs and concerns of women and girls do not matter.

Kevin, if I ever meet you, I will make you some cookies. Cookies of gratitude and respect.

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Tags: allies, domestic violence, feminism, i am very earnest lately, kevin powell, kyle payne, leftists, male feminists, obama, second wave, the dudes